In All Things Big and Small

"Is that a good idea?"

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 20:58:38 -0400

Wisdom seems so far out of reach for an over-analytic college student like me. If there is anything God wants me to do, I constantly think to myself “this is ridiculous” or “this is unwise” and end up convincing myself that I am not supposed to do anything.

I find my time to be precious, so I do not enjoy toiling in vain. Satan wants that for all of us, but with discernment, we obey the voice of the Lord and not the enemy. Some have said to me, “what are you doing staying up late and waking up early? You need to sleep. You need to stop letting your school work fall to the way-side. You need to think about your future. You need this… you need that. ” NO! Absolutely not! I need God. I need nothing else but God!

There are many things that seem wise. It would be a good idea to sleep more, study more, stop slaving over CLOSER work, stop thinking God will heal ___.. even outside the context of school stop spending time with those “unreachable” friends, stop being too proud to date, stop sharing your money.. you’re running yourself poor, stop tutoring people and help yourself first… this list could go on and on. If you agree, you are right! It would be a good idea to do those things… but that’s not the issue at hand. I am not interested in the “good” or the “better”… I am interested in the “best”.

God has our best interest in mind… even when things seem ridiculous, unwise, IDIOTIC.. even dare I say it un-Biblical, God knows what he is doing. I do not, and I don’t need to understand everything… I just need to obey.

Clearly, I shouldn’t obey the voice of Satan trying to draw me into toiling for nothing … but Satan is sneaky. If an idea sounds utterly horrible, we need no discernment to know that it’s not from God. But I’ve come to realize something really important; Satan is interested in tempting us with good ideas. Why? Because “good” falls short of “best”. If Satan can convince us to do something “good” that keeps us from the “best” that God is calling us to, Satan wins.

So yes, I am still over-analytic. Of course I pray and pray and pray to confirm it is from God, but I still think some things are utterly preposterous, impossible, and unwise… the difference is the question I ask myself. It’s not “is this a good idea?” because its not the “good idea” that I’m interested in. I’m interested in what God wants me to do. I am interested in stepping out of the boat and into a storm. Call me stupid, but I am interested in the “God idea”.

Filled to be Emptied Again

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 17:31:20 -0400

“This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I’m filled to be emptied again

The seed I’ve recieved I will sow” - Desert Song

If you knew me years ago, you probably know that I only thought about myself. I was one who loved to receive, but I was never interested in sharing or giving.

This past weekend was CLOSER conference. I have never invested SO MUCH of my life into anything! For an entire month preceding the event, I averaged 5 hrs of sleep a night. My work ethic slipped a bit, but God took care of it all. Why was it worth it? I thought to myself the entire time, “God is going to invade these campuses and the walls of the enemy are coming down!”, but even more than this, I constantly thought about how blessed I would be and how much I could receive during the conference! Finally, Wednesday came around and as I prepared to leave campus with a ton of work left undone, I just couldn’t contain my excitement. I didn’t care about my school work. I didn’t care about missing a week of school. I didn’t care about missing the final test of our wind pump. I didn’t care about anything except for the awesome weekend that was ahead. I kept thinking that all the work was done, and that the weekend would be time to receive, but oh boy was I wrong.

The moment we arrived, it was time to work. I wanted to sleep, but Daniel asked me to go run errands with him. Of course, I really didn’t want to, but if there was work to be done, I was going to do it. It never occurred to me that in that instant, I would come to the realization that CLOSER wasn’t meant for me. I wanted to receive every word of wisdom from the speakers, but soon I would realize that I would be running around and missing all the sessions because there was work to be done. If you asked me a couple weeks ago, I would have refused to just serve serve serve, work work work, and never receive, but somehow, I received more than I ever expected even though I missed almost every session.

Bob Johnson put it this way. You are a hose. You get filled with water, and if it just sits there its just stagnant. You are filled so that you can be emptied. When you empty yourself, you are ready to receive again, but this time, your hose has stretched and you can take in more. If all you ever do is receive, your hose can never grow and when its full, you just can’t receive anymore.

So what happened this weekend? I spent hours and hours serving, sowing, and emptying myself. All it took was one instant for Rolland or Bob to fill me up with the Holy Spirit and fill me up again- 4 hours of sleep didn’t matter when I was filled with joy of the Holy Spirit! This probably happened a few times each day, so I walked into Stamford, CT with a pretty small hose on Wednesday, but without a doubt, my hose has grown. God continues to blow me away, but as he expands the box of my understanding, I have to face reality that I really know nothing about Him. My hose has a long long way to go, but in serving for CLOSER I have taken the first step away from my selfish self.

We pray all the time “God would you just lower me, remove ME from myself, and fill me with more of you.” I don’t know the answer, but after years of this prayer, I don’t think God is the one who will remove me. He’s the one who fills me, but its my job to empty the hose.

Why Fast?..

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 17:55:28 -0500

Many have asked me in regard to Day and Night, “Do I really need to fast?” I kept saying “no”, certain that God would call each of us to grow in different ways. But after a couple of weeks-and I am certainly no expert- I have personally changed that answer. In short, there are three things that are necessary for a relationship with God: scripture, prayer, and fasting. Scripture is our sword of knowledge and truth about God, prayer draws us near to God through supplication and praise, and fasting empowers us in our humility to accomplish His will. Now, there is definitely much more to all three of these things, but scripture reveals to us that the combination of prayer and fasting leaves no room for Satan to win. In Luke Chapter 14 something happens between verses 1 and 14. In the NIV it begins with “Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit…” Forty days later in verse 14: “Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit” Notice the difference? Neither did I until God began revealing to me the power and necessity of fasting.

If there are any three things I would consider to be unholy they would be flesh, world, and Satan himself. Fasting is a denial of all of these things. Through fasting, our we deny our fleshly cravings. Through fasting we deny the world and depend wholly on Jesus. Through fasting, we receive power from on high to resist Satan’s temptation as Jesus did. So often I found my mind cluttered with thoughts of fleshly desires, worldly ambition, and Satan’s attacks of pride and doubt, and no amount of prayer or scripture can be but a temporary deterrent. As a college student, a life of continual prayer and closeness with God seems nearly impossible. That was until God revealed fasting and released His power in me.

Fasting is a lot more than just not eating. It is a lot more than just an act of humility, is it Jesus’ expectation.

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. ¹⁷ But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, ¹⁸ so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6:16-18)

It does not say, “if you fast…”

So yes: LET US TAKE BACK CORNELL FOR JESUS! but let us not forget that Satan isn’t going to just give up without a fight. THIS IS WAR and GOD HAS GIVEN US THE WEAPONS. OUR GOD IS GREATER AND STRONGER, AND IF OUR GOD IS FOR US THEN NOTHING CAN STAND AGAINST!

AND SO IT BEGINS..

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 03:29:40 -0500

Today marked the beginning of something big. For the next 45 days, God will move unlike ever before because not only is the body coming together, but the chains are coming undone!

I will never forget the picture that God gave me at Olin Hall… it seemed to be straight out of some zombie movie. Two doors and 5 steps… that was the boundary between heaven and hell. I don’t mean this literally, but there is no better way to describe it.

filling the doorway was a tangled mess of chains and uh…zombies? If I didn’t know any better I would say that the tangled mess extended all the way into the deep abyss beyond my sight. As the people inched toward the steps, there was a distinguishable resistance tugging them back. Finally, the first few reached the first step, and as soon as the first foot touched, down came a rushing flood of blood. As soon as the blood made contact with the chains, they just eroded away and zombies were set free. Once freed by the blood of Jesus and no longer slaves to sin, the zombies made their way to the last step. There, they completed the transformation, and those once dead in sin came alive in Christ.

And the best part… each one who came out turned back. Not to become enslaved again, but rather to pull out those struggling to make it through. One moment 1 man is through, the next 5, and the next 20 something! Satan will not be pleased. Cornell has been his for far too long, but it is time to reclaim it for God and for His glory to be inescapable as it floods the campus like water to sea! 45 days of intercession and fasting … and this is just the beginning

Scream

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 01:49:40 -0500

Today was a busy day… 8:40 til about 7 in class/ office hours … My mind was burnt out way before 7…

I considered not going to Cru Leadership, but today was the birthday of two awesome friends, and I was not going to miss out on the celebration.

After dinner, I just felt like collapsing, but I decided I would stick through the meeting. It went as usual, some sharing, some prayer, and a devotional, but then something strange happened. We read 1st Corinthians 12 about the body of Christ… And If you know me, then you know that building and uniting the body of Christ at Cornell and in the Ivys has been the passion that God has put on my heart since last summer … but as I read, two works rang loudly in my head: jealousy and calling. It is not often that God screams in my head, but in my tiredness, I just wanted to let it go. I didn’t have the energy to think about what this mean. But of course, God being God wasn’t taking “no”. As the room quieted from the last response, I burst out just talking, ranting, but I didn’t even know what I was saying. Afterwards however, while talking to some friends back home, the topics of jealousy and calling came up again. This was no coincidence. God was saying something, and it came back to me again:

GOD USES EACH OF US IN DIFFERENT WAYS. We read the same scripture, but He will say something different to each of us. We will hear the same sermon and get different messages. God doesn’t make us all eyes to see, HE MAKES US ONE BODY of different functions. He calls us all to do different things, and no one of us is more Godly or anointed than another. God isn’t keeping score and neither should we. I shared the testimony of an awesome friend. He went out on Ho Plaza and just preached, just shared his testimony to those listening and those not after feeling that God was calling him to this. My first thought: WOW! I want to do that too, so I prayed, but that wasn’t the calling that I received. God wanted me to pray on behalf of him as an intercessor. I felt robbed of my chance in the spotlight, but that’s just it. It’s not my spotlight, it’s God’s. My role was to pray for him, his role was to preach. Not all of us will be anointed to be pastors, but all of us play a crucial role in God’s kingdom work.

So its quite simple, my response was this:
When He screams out at you, LISTEN! That is what God is calling you to do. Do it, don’t question it, and don’t ask to be someone else. After all, you are who God created you to be. Perfect in his image, and perfect for His work :)

"When you REbuke the enemy and REturn to God, by REpenting of your sins and REciving Cris your spirit..."

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:58:39 -0500

““When you REbuke the enemy and REturn to God, by REpenting of your sins and REciving Cris your spirit will be REborn… your mind REnewed. You will be REbuilt and while you’re REconciled by Christ’s REdeeming work, you will REmain connected in the vine and you will reep the REwards of REalationship,causing REvival to break free””

- Craig Groeschel - sermon entitled Remain

"If we imitate Jesus by Loving like Jesus, then the world will not see us. They will see Him."

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:52:47 -0500

““If we imitate Jesus by Loving like Jesus, then the world will not see us. They will see Him.””

"If I saw You on the street And You said come and follow me But I had to give up everything All I..."

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 18:04:22 -0500

“

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams

Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering

I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me

”

- You Can Have Me - Sidewalk Prophets

Heart of Worship

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:50:27 -0500

Two years ago at a summer retreat, God convicted me to examine the lyrics I was singing during praise sessions at church/YG and even as I sang along to mp3s while doing work. So often I would sing along with memorized lyrics and just groove. It’s like listening to the radio with a group of friends and just screaming along to the song with obnoxious voices completely ignorant of pitches… but it’s not.

I was singing “From the Inside Out” with the lyrics, “my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control, consume me from the inside out… EVERLA…” and suddenly I stopped. I couldn’t get myself to shout these words out along with the rest of the people in the room. Yes, we were all pumped from the heavy bass and adrenaline was building up to hit the high notes of the chorus, but I simply couldn’t sing. I knew the words and I was ready to jump along side all my friends but instead God shut my mouth and brought me to tears. I will never forget how incredibly awkward I felt until I realized that one of my best friends felt the same thing I was feeling. Instead of singing we sat down and just prayed through the lyrics, and maybe for the first I felt like I was actually worshiping God.

Ever since, I have worshiped in a whole new way… eyes closed from the world around me, mind focused on worshiping God, and lips moving however the Holy Spirit leads me in worship … at this point my legs and arms do whatever they want as well…

Who cares what I look like: on my knees, sitting, jumping, arms open to God…

Who cares what I sound like: out of tune, shouting out loud, voice cracking…

I find it kind of strange that worship has become a sing-a-long and move-a-long where people glance around when they hear a wrong note or a strange voice and maybe even start laughing. It seems to me God doesn’t care how we are standing, how loud we are, or if we are on key… it’s simply about our heart of worship.

So why do I say this? Because someone said to me that they are afraid of singing because people will laugh. They are afraid of singing because they don’t know all the words. They are afraid they will sing out of tune. They are afraid to worship as the Holy Spirit leads them because people comment that they aren’t “worshiping correctly”.

I’ll admit that I am afraid of being a disturbance so I tend to stand/sit/kneel/jump in the back, but why does it even matter? I shouldn’t care and I won’t. I am not going back to my pre-summer retreat ways just because of the people around me. Sing how you want, do what you want, but whatever you do, worship God and let the Holy Spirit lead you. We aren’t just jamming at a concert or singing-a-long with the worship leaders, we are praising our Lord with one voice made up of harmonies, melodies, wrong words, wrong notes, loud, soft, you name it, but all with the heart of worship. Forget the people around you, those who are singing off key, or those who will look at you if you sing off key. Its not about you, its not about them.

I DON’T CARE HOW YOU IN PARTICULAR WORSHIP, BUT LET THE WORDS THAT COME FROM OUR LIPS BE OUR PRAYER, PRAISE, AND CRY OF OUR HEARTS. ITS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND US… ITS ABOUT GOD.

“i’ll give you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you require. You look much deeper within, through the way things appear, you’re looking into my heart. I’M COMING BACK TO THE HEART OF WORSHIP WHERE ITS ALL ABOUT YOU, ITS ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS…”

Pura Vida

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:21:01 -0500

Sketchy people at every street corner, fences with barbed wire, gates with guards, and windows with metal bars… gangs down every alley, gunshots and screeching tires… sounds something like Compton, California. If you are from Cali, you probably know as well as I do that its a place that you don’t just wander into or around, that is unless you are part of the gang or are looking to get mugged and shot.

Gangs aren’t a joke in Compton, but they are even less so in Costa Rica. The program we were working with , SiNEM, is specifically aimed at puting instruments into the hands of children throughout Costa Rica so that they would find an extracurricular activity other than gangs or so that they could escape domestic violence at home. We went to 8 schools in all, but one place in particular is the one I described above. This place is called Leon Trece. If you live in Costa Rica, you know not to go here. You know to have nothing of value with you and you know not to make eye contact with the wrong people on the wrong street corners.

So why did we go here? Well when I first heard about this place I wondered that same thing. Why would our leader put us in this risky position just for another day of masterclasses, conducting workshops, and a concert?

The answer is simple. We had been to 7 other schools where music was changing the lives of the students, but in no other place was music changing an entire community. As I finished up with masterclasses with a couple of little boys I had worked with they smiled at me and promised that they would keep working hard at everything I had taught them during that hour. I thought it was incredibly cute and adorable so I smiled back and requested that they keep working hard and show me what they can do in 2 years when I return.

I left the masterclass to get a snack with the rest of the band, but as I walked back to get dressed for the concert, I saw one of the boys already hard at work practicing the piece I had just taught him. I couldn’t help but give him a high five with a huge smile on my face. Just a little encouragement, but it brought tears to his face. Turns out for many of the kids, there is very little support for music coming from the families of these children… that is if they have a family at all. To this boy, one little high five may have been the first time that he was affirmed for his hard work.

But the story goes on. We had a fantastic concert with a full audience in the Cathedral and at the end, the same little boy and another one of my students, Esteban came up to give me a hug and thank me for the concert and teaching. With tears and a weak voice he said in Spanish, “thank you for a fantastic concert. We are not accustomed to these beautiful sounds. Music really is the good life (pura vida). I don’t really know the story of this boy… but I had to say goodbyes quickly and pack up so that we could make it back to the hotel for dinner.

On the bus back, however, Cindi (our conductor) told us a few parting words from the priest of the Cathedral. He said something along the lines of “that was a great concert. We are not used to such beautiful sounds. we live with the sounds of gunshots.” My heart sank. I thought back to the words that Esteban had said to me as we said our goodbyes. Pura vida was the tourism motto of Costa Rica so I thought these were just a typical saluation of sorts, but as I thought back to that conversation I had with Esteban, it occurred to me that music is the good life because it saved him from a life of gang violence and hopelessness. It saved him from a life of gunshots.

I went into Costa Rica shouting “PURA VIDA” with the rest of the band as a meaningless motto, but I left remembering the day that these two works struck me: musica es la pura vida. Lives were changed that day, a community was brought together, and a friendship has been formed across a language barrier through the universal language of music.

Passport to Heaven

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 06:43:44 -0500

I have said many times throughout the last year and half that at some point I’m going to escape from Cornell to explore NYC. Well I guess I get that chance … Just under much different circumstances.

As much as I hoped and prayed that God would soften the hearts of the Continental baggage checkers to let me through to Costa Rica with my passport expiring one day short of 3 months - I needed 3 months to get through- I also hoped that God would give me a day to prepare my heart for Costa Rica, free of rehearsal, free of stress, and with no one to disturb my time of peace …. Strangely I got my latter wish with a little more stressing than I really would have liked.

I am now on the train, praying that if all goes smoothly, I will be on a plane to Costa Rica tonight. If you know me, this is the situation I would be freaking out in … I was too tired to stress out yesterday, but today, having caught up on sleep, I am surprisingly calm.. And this for the first time since I arrived at Cornell a couple days ago…

God’s grace really is something … Even if I try to stress out, God is suppressing that within me… I actually feel as though nothing went wrong in the first place…

Another funny thing, years ago, I read a book called “messy Christianity” and put it away in the suitcase I had brought to China. I tucked it away in a back pocket, and just yesterday I rediscovered it. The first lines say something about the mess we make of our lives even as we seek God. My inner perfectionist seems to always give way my many short-comings and, failure after failure, God’s grace keeps me going …. It’s not that God’s grace makes us into spiritual, put-together Christians; it’s that God’s grace takes our messy humanity and makes of it a messy Spirituality. The reality is that until our “perfecter of faith” returns, our faith will never be perfect, our attempts will end in failure, we will sin… But the beautiful thing is God is there through it all.

So as I sit on this train, 4 am, and looking forward to 10 pm tonight when I arrive in Costa Rica, I just can’t help but think of my “passport to heaven.” The difference is that while I’m running around doing a lot of work and everything can still go wrong before I get my passport to Costa Rica, I have no doubt that much more will go wrong, I will fail, I will fall short before going to heaven, but I have no work to do to get my “passport to heaven” …that work was completed on the cross.

I’m a mess. You’re a mess. Let’s face it and embrace it. God already knows it. Thats what grace is for. :)

My Prayer in My Hunger and Need

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 22:20:00 -0500

I’ve heard the phrase “good Christian” so many times over the last couple of weeks in describing goals for 2012 that I even found myself using it in prayer … it didn’t really phase me until last night at the CU Winds party when a drunk girl (stranger) started flirting with me and was surprised that I wouldn’t drink or have sex before marriage because of my Christian integrity… apparently that made me a “good Christian.”

So what exactly is a “bad Christian” and a “good Christian”??

To the non-Christians I have witnessed to, this distinction is strangely both a deterring and attracting factor in becoming a Christian. I have met non-Christians who say that the Christian life restricts them from being able to what they want to do in life … to them, following Christ is like being his slave (good Christian?) . I have also met non-Christians who see Christ as the free pass to sin because of his grace… to them, following Christ is being set free to sin (bad Christian?). Both are grave misunderstandings of God’s grace. It is not that we are slaves to God or free to sin, it is that we are set free from sin’s bondage by God’s grace such that our actions and decisions reflect the inner transformation of our hearts and minds to the likeness of Christ.

But that brings me back to the the distinction between a bad and a good Christian. Biblically, I don’t believe this distinction exists; I am either a follower of Christ or I am not. Of course God’s grace covers our sins and makes us blameless before God, but if our minds are not being renewed by the Holy Spirit so that we may become more like Christ by God’s power and grace are we obeying God? Is our outward display of “Christianness” a reflection of this inward transformation or is it just a performance for non-Christians to see a “good Christian”? .. or arguably “worse”, is it a performance for our Christian brothers and sisters so that we may seem “better Christians” or “more spiritually mature” than they are when we are actually spiritually dead?

Where in the Bible does Jesus tell his disciples to compete for His favor?

Where in the Bible does God make his commands optional?

Where in the Bible does God use the proud instead of the humble?

I haven’t read through the entire Bible, but I am almost certain that in all three cases, the answer is ” no where”. The Bible is very clear: By faith alone we are justified, and by Holy Spirit working in us we are continually sanctified.

So what does this all mean?

Well, first off, I am simply a Christian- imperfect in every way, but in the hands of God, willingly being pruned and molded to become more like Christ and perfect for his purpose for me on the earth. I am being humbled from the place of pride that being told I am a good or a better Christian than ___ has put me. I have resolved to clarify that misunderstanding of God’s grace with each non-Christian that God leads me to.

(Especially this coming 12 days in Costa Rica, surrounded by non-Christians, I know that my pride will inhibit the work that God seeks to do in and through me, especially if it becomes a performance. I will devote each day to God, that his will may be done in and through me, but I will rest assured that nothing I do or say will be counted against me nor be for my benefit. All glory to God.)

^This is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is the God who provides -Desert Song by Hillsong

One

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 21:15:00 -0500

“If there be any one point in which the Christian church ought to keep its fervor at a white heat, it is concerning missions. If there be anything about which we cannot tolerate lukewarmness, it is the matter of sending the gospel to a dying world.”

-Charles Spurgeon

I used to think that God gave me a heart for China, for the people of the villages isolated from ever hearing the words “shen” or “ye su ji du” (God and Jesus), for my students who were just beginning to get a glimpse of the joy that I experience and desired to share in Jesus Christ. I used to think this because I can distinctly recall the exact circumstances, hardships, and pain I had endured in order to be comforted by the presence of God for the first time in my life.

All the time people ask me what I mean by “experiencing the presence of God”. No I do not mean I saw God face to face, but nor do I mean to trivialize it to something explainable by our natural world and natural standards. As I became paralyzed with fear of being an ineffective missionary, fear of my Communist spy students who were going to foil all my plans, fear of disappointing my team and God, fear of saying too much… one fear froze me to the core: the fear that one day I would be living the life of a missionary in China, constantly running, hiding, but trusting in the lord. Fear that I would give up the life that I had worked so hard for in order to risk it for the glory of God.

That night, I came before God with each of the fears that I have named and he reminded me that “perfect love casts out fear” … I was in tears, curled up in a fetal position as I quivered on the floor, maybe on the verge of insanity. I felt like a baby, at least in my faith, immature as can be and unwilling to open myself up to His words of comfort. Suddenly, my body just became tight. Even if I wanted to sprawl out on the floor I couldn’t without enduring great pain… so I just stayed there. Curled up… crying… wondering why the God that supposedly loved me would be allowing all this pain!

I was petrified and stubborn, but in all my anger, I still knew that my God was with me. I cried out to God, my comforter, God, my father, God, my tower of refuge and strength, and maybe for the first time in my life, realized that until this moment my faith was dead. I would read the Bible and pray to my Holy Spirit vending machine in times of need, but I never spent time with God and surely I never trusted God with my life as I had declared years ago.

I look back to this moment, when God freed me from the burden and pain and I long to feel this same comfort again. If you have talked to me any time in this past semester, you have probably heard me saying something along those lines, but things have changed. I used to believe that God wasn’t at work in Thousand Oaks or even at Cornell simply because I was surrounded by wealth, happiness, success, and prospects of a great, worldly, future … in my little bubble of comfort I didn’t need or want God. But ever since returning from China, my life has become wholly dependent on guidance from the Holy Spirit. People have looked at me and told me that I am being crazy, stupid, ridiculous.. you name it, and at some point during the semester, it sank in. I was beginning to revert back to my lukewarm ways of trusting in myself, ignoring the sovereignty of God, and yielding to the advice of the world. Satan was planting many many seeds in my mind and my heart, and that one precious seed that had been planted on that hotel room floor in China was getting choked by the weeds.

As I longed to return to that same dependence on God that I had in China, I realized that God is the same in Cali as he is in China, as he is in Ithaca and God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His presence never leaves me because He dwells within me and no barrage of Satan’s flaming arrows can penetrate the armor that God has given to protect the seed he has placed in me. That seed God has given me is not a heart for just China, but a heart for the world. He breaks my heart for the poor in Tompkins County, hungry in Guatemala, dying in Costa Rica, thirsty in China, sick in Mozambique and for every person that He will one day call his children. God has given us all a heart for the world. We are stewards of the Gospel and we are united with the mission that God has given us so let us step out in faith, trust in God, and go as one body, with one heart, on one mission, for the glory of one God.

"One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness..."

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 02:28:27 -0500

““One of the great uses of Twitter and Facebook will be to prove at the Last Day that prayerlessness was not from lack of time.” — John Piper”