Wisdom seems so far out of reach for an over-analytic college student like me. If there is anything God wants me to do, I constantly think to myself “this is ridiculous” or “this is unwise” and end up convincing myself that I am not supposed to do anything.
I find my time to be precious, so I do not enjoy toiling in vain. Satan wants that for all of us, but with discernment, we obey the voice of the Lord and not the enemy. Some have said to me, “what are you doing staying up late and waking up early? You need to sleep. You need to stop letting your school work fall to the way-side. You need to think about your future. You need this… you need that. ” NO! Absolutely not! I need God. I need nothing else but God!
There are many things that seem wise. It would be a good idea to sleep more, study more, stop slaving over CLOSER work, stop thinking God will heal ___.. even outside the context of school stop spending time with those “unreachable” friends, stop being too proud to date, stop sharing your money.. you’re running yourself poor, stop tutoring people and help yourself first… this list could go on and on. If you agree, you are right! It would be a good idea to do those things… but that’s not the issue at hand. I am not interested in the “good” or the “better”… I am interested in the “best”.
God has our best interest in mind… even when things seem ridiculous, unwise, IDIOTIC.. even dare I say it un-Biblical, God knows what he is doing. I do not, and I don’t need to understand everything… I just need to obey.
Clearly, I shouldn’t obey the voice of Satan trying to draw me into toiling for nothing … but Satan is sneaky. If an idea sounds utterly horrible, we need no discernment to know that it’s not from God. But I’ve come to realize something really important; Satan is interested in tempting us with good ideas. Why? Because “good” falls short of “best”. If Satan can convince us to do something “good” that keeps us from the “best” that God is calling us to, Satan wins.
So yes, I am still over-analytic. Of course I pray and pray and pray to confirm it is from God, but I still think some things are utterly preposterous, impossible, and unwise… the difference is the question I ask myself. It’s not “is this a good idea?” because its not the “good idea” that I’m interested in. I’m interested in what God wants me to do. I am interested in stepping out of the boat and into a storm. Call me stupid, but I am interested in the “God idea”.