I have said many times throughout the last year and half that at some point I’m going to escape from Cornell to explore NYC. Well I guess I get that chance … Just under much different circumstances.
As much as I hoped and prayed that God would soften the hearts of the Continental baggage checkers to let me through to Costa Rica with my passport expiring one day short of 3 months - I needed 3 months to get through- I also hoped that God would give me a day to prepare my heart for Costa Rica, free of rehearsal, free of stress, and with no one to disturb my time of peace …. Strangely I got my latter wish with a little more stressing than I really would have liked.
I am now on the train, praying that if all goes smoothly, I will be on a plane to Costa Rica tonight. If you know me, this is the situation I would be freaking out in … I was too tired to stress out yesterday, but today, having caught up on sleep, I am surprisingly calm.. And this for the first time since I arrived at Cornell a couple days ago…
God’s grace really is something … Even if I try to stress out, God is suppressing that within me… I actually feel as though nothing went wrong in the first place…
Another funny thing, years ago, I read a book called “messy Christianity” and put it away in the suitcase I had brought to China. I tucked it away in a back pocket, and just yesterday I rediscovered it. The first lines say something about the mess we make of our lives even as we seek God. My inner perfectionist seems to always give way my many short-comings and, failure after failure, God’s grace keeps me going …. It’s not that God’s grace makes us into spiritual, put-together Christians; it’s that God’s grace takes our messy humanity and makes of it a messy Spirituality. The reality is that until our “perfecter of faith” returns, our faith will never be perfect, our attempts will end in failure, we will sin… But the beautiful thing is God is there through it all.
So as I sit on this train, 4 am, and looking forward to 10 pm tonight when I arrive in Costa Rica, I just can’t help but think of my “passport to heaven.” The difference is that while I’m running around doing a lot of work and everything can still go wrong before I get my passport to Costa Rica, I have no doubt that much more will go wrong, I will fail, I will fall short before going to heaven, but I have no work to do to get my “passport to heaven” …that work was completed on the cross.
I’m a mess. You’re a mess. Let’s face it and embrace it. God already knows it. Thats what grace is for. :)